The Indian wedding—a multi-day spectacle of colour, tradition, and family reunion, has by all means turned into a lavish production. From the dazzling decor to the multi-cuisine fare, every detail is significant and seemingly demands endless attention. But what happens when the pressure to deliver the `Big Fat Indian Wedding` goes beyond the budget and starts taxing the bride`s mental health?
While every shaadi, as it is called India, is meant to be a joyous occasion, the reality of planning often feels more like navigating a high-stakes, social media-fuelled obstacle course. From family politics over the guest list to the paralysing pursuit of Instagram-perfect aesthetics, the modern Indian bride is often caught in a whirlwind of impossible expectations.
Experts delve into the unique mental health challenges faced during the wedding planning process—from social media comparisons to post-wedding blues—and offer practical strategies for maintaining well-being.
The social media mirage: Perfectionism and debt
The pressure of social media and the idealized portrayal of weddings can have a significant impact on a bride`s mental health. Dr. Shaunak Ajinkya, consultant psychiatrist at Kokilaben Dhirubhai Ambani Hospital, Mumbai, details the emotional and financial strain caused by the pursuit of the `perfect` event. “Social media is filled with highly curated images of `perfect` weddings and luxurious honeymoons. This creates unrealistic expectations, making many brides-to-be feel like they must meet these impossible standards,” he shares.
This leads to significant distress. “Brides often compare their wedding planning, dress, decor, and honeymoon to influencers or celebrities, leading to feelings of inadequacy, comparisons and self-doubt. Many couples go into debt trying to create a wedding or honeymoon that looks as extravagant as what they see online. This financial burden can add significant stress, anxiety and relationship strain lasting even after the wedding is over,” Ajinkya says.
Beyond the cost, social media steals the joy of the moment, “The expectation to document every moment for social media creates `performance pressure` and can take away the bride’s ability to truly enjoy her wedding and honeymoon. Instead of being present, she may feel the need to constantly take photos, worrying about her looks, and seeking validation through likes and comments.”
Cultivating self-compassion and boundaries
To combat these unrealistic demands, Dr Ajinkya emphasises authenticity and self-compassion. He says, “A successful wedding isn’t about trends or social media approval. It’s about joy, connection, and authenticity. Create a day that reflects your love story, not a social media reel. Remind yourself that a wedding is about celebrating love, not impressing others.” His advice centres on self-protection:
1. Limit exposure: Try to limit your social media exposure. Take breaks from social media platforms that make you feel pressured, anxious or overwhelmed. Unfollow accounts that make you feel inadequate.
2. Practice self-talk: When you feel anxious about meeting expectations, talk to yourself in the way you would to a close friend. Remind yourself and engage in positive affirmative self-talk: I am doing my best, this is enough, and my worth is not determined by the aesthetics of my wedding.
3. Set boundaries: If family, friends, or social media add to the pressure, establish clear boundaries. Politely but firmly say no to expectations that don’t align with your values or budget.
Navigating family dynamics and cultural pressure
Dr. Ajit Dandekar, head of psychiatry and psychology at Nanavati Max Super Speciality Hospital, Mumbai, addresses the unique cultural pressures faced by Indian brides, saying, “To-be brides preparing for their weddings, often face intense pressure from family and cultural expectations… In many cases, this can create stress, anxiety, and emotional strain.”
Balancing tradition and personal needs
Dr Dandekar’s guidance centres on communication and self-prioritisation, “Setting boundaries and balancing personal needs with traditions can help manage wedding stress. Brides who communicate openly with their families and partners about their expectations tend to experience less uncomfortable situations. Learning to say no to unreasonable demands is necessary for maintaining mental health.”
He adds that many brides find premarital counselling useful, as it provides tools to handle expectations and pressures.
Managing family conflict
Understanding the cultural context is key to managing family conflicts. “Many Indian families see weddings as a union of two families, not just two people. This can create conflict, as parents and relatives may impose their views on the bride’s choices. Brides must handle these conflicts with patience and clear communication. Talking openly with family members about personal choices helps reduce tension,” Dr Dandekar adds.
He advises finding a middle ground, explaining, “It’s important to acknowledge family concerns while also standing firm on personal preferences. If disagreements become overwhelming, mediation can help. A neutral third party, such as a family friend or counsellor, can help find solutions that satisfy both sides.”
Ultimately, the city-based doctor concludes that focusing on well-being and mental preparation is paramount, “Brides who develop stress management skills before marriage cope better with post-wedding adjustments. Prioritising mental and physical well-being leads to a more positive wedding experience.”
Practical stress-reduction and mindfulness
Ajinkya recommends specific mindfulness techniques to maintain calm during the chaos of planning and the wedding day itself, “Accept that not everything will go perfectly—and that’s okay! Set realistic expectations. Beware of decision fatigue. Break tasks into small, manageable steps. Set time limits on decision-making.”
He outlines three simple techniques to remain calm:
1. Mindful box breathing: Inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 4, exhale for 4, hold for 4 seconds, to instantly reduce anxiety.
2. Grounding: On the wedding day, he suggests starting with the 5-4-3-2-1 grounding technique (focusing on 5 things you can see, 4 you can touch, etc.) to maintain presence.
3. Presence over perfection: If something goes wrong (which it might), laugh it off. The wedding day is about love, not perfection. Practice gratitude. Remind yourself, `I am grateful for this day, my partner, and the love surrounding me.`
Coping with the post-wedding blues
After such an intense build-up, a “let-down” period is common. Dr Ajinkya describes the symptoms of post-wedding blues, “Some brides feel sad and empty, feeling a sense of void or a loss. Some may feel a sense of loneliness or disconnection since the excitement of planning and constant interaction with family, friends, or vendors is gone, making one feel a bit isolated. Some may lack purpose or direction, wondering, what’s next.”
The mental health expert shares four ways to navigate post-wedding blues:
1. Acknowledge and accept your feelings by reminding yourself that this feeling is normal and this too shall pass.
2. Shift the focus to marriage: The wedding was just the beginning—now it’s about building a life together with your partner. Plan small, meaningful experiences with your spouse.
3. Redirect energy: Redirect your energy into setting new personal goals, whether it’s a fitness goal, creative project, career ambition, or travel plans.
4. Seek professional help: Take the help of a counsellor, if the blues still persist.
When to seek professional help
While some stress is normal, Dr Dandekar outlines signs that a bride needs professional assistance, “Some stress during wedding planning is normal, but it becomes a problem when it affects daily life. Brides who experience constant anxiety, depression, or physical manifestations of the mental health like headaches and fatigue may need professional help. Stress can lead to sleep problems, loss of appetite, and mood swings.”
He warns that feeling overwhelmed, crying often, having panic attacks, or feeling hopeless are serious signs. “Seeking help early can prevent mental health problems from worsening,” he concludes.
