Relationships are constantly evolving not only around the world but also in India, where marriage is a sacred institution for the larger society. With changing dynamics in the way partners see each other, there is a lot more that people are realising, and aren`t shying away from giving their relationships a new tag.
For as far as we remember, monogamy has always been the norm, with weddings sealing it, families expecting it and public conversation treating it as a default. Renowned experts and researchers, sociologists and therapists have been pointing out the limitations of the monogamist paradigm for quite some time and starting offering different relationship options.
When dating app Gleeden, in its most recent survey, asked the question, “Do you think society pressures people to be monogamous?” The answers received were quite interesting. Nationally, 61 per cent of respondents answered that staying in a fully monogamous marriage is an obligation imposed by societal pressure, whereas only 29 per cent of respondents believe that couples willingly choose to stay monogamous, and the remaining 10 per cent said they were unsure.
Moreover, only 26 per cent believe that monogamy is natural and achievable, while 41 per cent state that it indeed goes against natural tendencies. These answers echo life experience from across cities, tiers and professions and tell us that a clear majority of respondents are forced into monogamy and are not choosing it willingly. This matters because relationship norms don`t exist in a vacuum, they include dating, companionship, intimacy and discussions on inter-personal level. If most people feel steered due to family expectations, cultural scripts or public shaming, then “choice” becomes privilege instead of regularity.
“People don`t always choose; they inherit the norms. When family, culture and community push one script loud enough, one will follow it, without thought. Our findings reveal that exercising personal preferences still isn`t easy in Indian culture as only 29 per cent of the respondents were exercising monogamy as a free will while 61 per cent of respondents are continuing their marriages due to peer and societal pressure. This pattern holds whether you live in a Tier-1 or Tier-2 city; challenging the year old norms of monogamous relationships and the charm of marriages,” says Sybil Shiddell, country manager of the app.
City size does not erase realities
While the perception of monogamy is slowly evolving in parts of India, it’s important to keep in mind the pull of mandatory social obligation in both Tier-1 and Tier-2 cities. Larger cities have seemingly progressive cultures but the numbers indicate that even the smaller cities are also inclined towards the same direction. In Tier-1 centers like Delhi, Mumbai, and Hyderabad, the results are stunning— with 63 per cent, 62 per cent, and 62 per cent of respondents respectively indicating that they are staying monogamous due to social obligations. Even Bengaluru, often branded as one of the most progressive cities in India, had a similar tally of 54% respondents who are maintaining their relationships due to societal norms, whereas about 33 per cent of respondents from the city are choosing to continue their relationships willingly.
Surprisingly Kochi produced the most balanced stats for maintaining monogamous relationships with 46 per cent of respondents citing social obligation and 42 per cent indicating they chose to be monogamous on free will, determining a telling fact that seems to represent a more conscious change within the society.
While the differences in the Tier-2 cities are even starker. Cities like Jaipur with 67 per cent and Guwahati with a staggering 75 per cent respondents admitting they remain monogamous due to family and society pressure. The same is the case in other Tier-2 cities like Ludhiana with 63 per cent, Patna with 58 per cent, and Indore with 59 per cent leaning heavily towards societal obligations over personal choices.
What people do affects how they react
Occupationally, monogamy often feels less like a choice and more like a conditioned response due to family, colleagues, peers, and other wider occupational circles. The survey demonstrates that regardless of the work profile, societal norms do influence people, but the degree of influence varies with respective professions. The trend among men is clear.
For example, business owners/entrepreneurs reported that 56 per cent remain monogamous because of social pressure whereas only 36 per cent choose loyalty willingly. Self-employed individuals are subjected to a higher degree of social pressure from their communities, which explains why 68 per cent indicate societal pressure, and 26 per cent voluntarily choose allegiance. However, private sector employees fall in the middle with 57 per cent choosing monogamy due to the influence of society, and 33 per cent voluntarily choosing to be loyal. Government employees are barely different with 58 per cent succumbing to the social pressure, and 32 per cent are maintaining relationships out of free choice. Unemployed men reported one of the sharpest shifts, with 67 per cent of them reporting to carry their relationships due to the influence of the society.
For women, the comparative division is much more interesting. Self-employed women reflect the highest degree of compulsion to remain in relationships, with 75 per cent admitting to stay in their relationships because of social pressure. Business women and private job goers are following the norm with a slightly declined percentage of 66 per cent and 57 per cent respectively, whereas women with government jobs hold the highest percentage of discomfort with 88 per cent admitting to continue their relationships not out of love but societal pressure.
As women become more and more financially independent, the more they are feeling constrained to live by a relationship model forced by society`s imposture.
On the other side, women who are still studying or are currently housewives – and therefore totally dependent on their breadbearer husbands – declared by 33 per cent housewives and 30 per cent students to have chosen monogamy willingly, most likely because they don’t have other options. These numbers are shocking and depict a society that screams for a change: however not a dramatic revolution, but rather a quiet shift where communication, trust and respect between partners widen the boundary of the couple introducing more freedom and personal space. Indeed something is already happening, as 35 per cent of married people admitted to having already opened up to their partner, and 41 per cent are happily ready to do it if their partner suggested it.
If society wants genuine freedom of relationship choice, the data suggests we need to turn down the surrounding sound; decrease stigma, encourage honesty in communication, and allow people the right to choose freely for themselves without judgement. Otherwise, “personal choices” will just be a statistic for a few and not a way of living for the masses.
